Friday, February 27, 2004

Geriatric Slap 

Bitch Slap all the old people who wait until you are 5 feet from them, and then pull out in front of you going 30 miles per hour slower than the rest of traffic. Not only am I sitting in my own shit because you scared me half to death, but now I can't pull up next to you and flick you off because everyone and their mentally retarded brother is pulling out from behind me, building an impenetrable wall on either side. I wish I could ship you all out to some remote island with a radio that plays nothing but hard rock so that you can all complain about how loud the shit is and how you all wish that you were dead.


Thursday, February 26, 2004

Don't Slap that Dial 

Big Jim from 101 FM, this slap's for you! Every time I hear your cracking annoying voice coming through my speakers, the station gets changed as fast as I can change it. Not only do you stupidly ramble on; fumbling as much as you are rambling, but you are a spoiled selfish mean person with no self esteem. I can't believe you still have a job. If I'm cringing when you're on, wouldn't you think the rest of the listening audience is cringing as well? Karma's coming, BJ. (I hope this bitch slap doesn't ruin my own karma. You are not worth it). Until they take you off the air, I'm listening to The Bear.

-Fed up!

Wednesday, February 25, 2004

Slap that ass! 

Here's a great spankin to the feminist bitch who finds a "Bitch Slap" offensive. Lighten up for Christ sakes. Perhaps if you remove your Birkies, put on some makeup, shave your legs and under your stinkin' arms, and actually smile maybe you could get laid. But noooooo, you want to whine about a blog that's just for fun. No male macho egos are being killed, so shut the hell up. No one cares that you had the lead in "The Vagina Monologues". Post your email and I'll send you tickets to my new show, "The Dick Diatribes". Get over yourself. Life is tough; it's even tougher when you're stupid.

- Hater of Feminazis

Ex Best Friend 

This bitch slap goes out to my ex best friend, the uber whore. See, when I mentioned that the foxy guy and I were seeing each other, it meant hands off. It didn't mean "chase him down and tell him lots of lies about me because you wanted to fuck him, too". You call yourself a friend? I fixed YOUR fucking car for 13 fucking hours while you watched and drank beer. When your boyfriend dumped you, I let you spend countless hours crying to me, when I could have been having fun with people who occasionally realize that there are other people out there. Unfortunately, babe, the world doesn't revolve around you. You're not the first person to have curly hair, long eyelashes, or blue eyes. No one wants to hear about how much you like to party or drink beer. Now that you've been slapped, go do another line.


To Anonymous Feminist - 

shut up, ho..

-Brian Mercat

Tuesday, February 24, 2004


This bitch slap goes out to PETA, for always being a bunch of assholes. You know what, PETA? I fucking think of the meat being sliced off of a cows leg while I eat. And I love it! MMMMM! blood and guts...pass the chitlins. This is great. You know what the people of PETA are? COWards! They only eat the shit that can't put up a fight. Screw you, PETA! I think I am going to start a new activist group, PET-P you know what it means. Actually, I will say it in case any PETA members are reading this. People for the Ethical Treatment of Plants. We will mainly support tubers. If it is a root, don't eat it. The only thing we support eating is fruit, as long as you don't throw away the seeds. Hey! you want to wipe your ass...try some cow skin of chicken feathers...way more ass friendly.

-The Potato Protector

"Slap" from the oppressed 

This Bitch Slap is to the whole concept of "Bitch Slap" and everybody who believes in it. If somebody wants to make a complaint about somebody else then why is it called a "bitch slap"? As if "slapping a bitch" has anything to do with it. I guess it's just another way for a male dominated site to degrade women. I am sick of all the egotistical men in my workplace who think they are better than me just because I am a girl, as if I don't work just as hard as they. And if a girl gets anywhere in life then its not becasue she worked hard but because she is "doing somebody". So then who are you doing asshole? I'm sick of these fucking macho men wannabes trying to belittle women just to enhance their own ego.


Anyone else feel a bitch slap in waiting on this one?

This Slaps for You  

OK!!! Don this slaps for you for Doggin our Bloggin for your Noggin. The site will last as long as we have nothing better to do with our days...God, I need some tequila!

-The Shadowboxer Crew

The man more important than I 

Your voice, I despise. Your actions, how crude
In dealing with customers, you are nothing but rude.
You talk to each person, as though better than they.
But, truth be told, you really just get in their way.
You smell like a hobo, you look like a joke.
Your teeth are all rotted from the shit that you smoke.
And while your peers all sit patiently raising their hand,
You stand and shout for help, as if better than them.
When you leave each night, we all hope that you die,
'Cause who doesn't hate the man more important than I

-One of the many who hate Roger

Slap against the man 

This bitchslap goes out to the pencil pushing know-it-all fucks that sit in their over large offices making pathetically stupid decisions about matters they know nothing about. The morons who decide productivity is too low, so they raise the bar to impossible levels, then have the gall to get upset when people can't reach the levels they never had a chance of reaching. The shmucks who want one group to perform above and beyond the status quo, and to make that happen must screw all the other departments over. Oy vey!


I'd like to bitch slap the dumb fuck who made my cubicles so UN soundproof. I thought the whole point of those damn things was to keep the noise out, might as well tear down the walls and invite everyone in. I can still hear that BLEEP BLEEP dumb fuck talking lovey dovey shit to Olive Oil on the phone. Fuck that cubicle makin peice of shit! And goddam it while I'm at it, bitch slap the paralizing smell left in the mouth peice of my phone every time wart eye talks on the damn thing. Eat shit dragon breath!

-miserable at work

Wow! We actually had to bleep out some words on this one. Keep on slapping.

Slap Happy 

This slap is dedicated to a very special lady I would love to slap upside the head. Yeah!! my wife. Next time you take the last drop of milk in the fridge throw the fucken thing out. Dont leave half a drop of milk. But we shouldn't cry over spilled milk.

-Joe. TX

To the Potluck Hoarder 

The department at the company I work for has a Potluck once a month. We all bring in something we made. Since there is 33 people in the department you need to make enough for everyone. We'll POT LUCK HOARDER BITCH!!!! You only brought in 10 meatballs and you ate 5 of them. Not only that but you bitched about what people brought in. Selfish whore. And you look like a troll. Bitch Slaps to you, greedy little troll who eats all the luck in pot luck.


Monday, February 23, 2004

A Bitch Slap Artist 

Preggy Peggy gets my vote for Bitch slap of the day. In one pregnant swoop, she smacked both pete and myself. And, perhaps most humiliating, was the Slap she landed on her husband, in which she cut off his balls and handed them to him in a chinese takeout box. I won't quote her site, but I'll sure as hell link you to it.

By the way, the husband, though broken and on the floor, still has a better site....way better :)



Slap!!! I agree with what you are saying, but a bitch slapping all around to you. And for one simple reason... "Well, somehow, this one blog web site got ahold of my hubs' blog and thought he was a KKK hood wearing racist." we got a hold of it 'cause he put our link on his site. Hey! I'm not complaining...thank you both.

P.S. I like your husbands site better... SLAP!!!

-Pete and Gerry

The Shadowboxer Crew 

This slap goes out to a dear friend and the rest of the Shadowboxer crew, who apparently has too much time to sit at his desk all day and read everyone's blogs. I however, do work at my cubicle. When I read blogs.... when I have the time.... I read quickly and browse through. After re-reading blue balls I do realize it is not a rasicist site. However, it is due to work ethic that restricted my first view, and I did make assumptions. I know you're awaiting my response with baited breath, and have now declared war amoungst camps. Sillyland, INC. vs the crew at Shadowboxer. Bitchslap that,


The President of Sillyland INC


This is not a bitch slap. Rather, something I noticed. The blog, Two Blue Balls has just linked me to them. I have had a couple of the Shadowboxer crew (namely Sillyland) tell me that this person is a racist and a KKK member. In fact, this person is making fun of them, and in a funny way. The only thing that I have to say is that I thought I coined the phrase Unrine Nation...though apparently, I did not. None the less...this Bitch Slap has to go out to my crew for either not learning to read, or not having the patience to read an entire article.


The Black Flake 

Bitch slap, you Kellogg's Frosted Flakes! I am tired of always finding the black flake in my cereal every morning. And it always sneaks in on me when I least expect it. I will be sitting at the table, enjoying my delicious treat...BAM!!! I unknowingly spoon decayed flake into my mouth. And it has the glorious taste of bear ass and skunk semen...yummy! SO...Bitch slap you, Frosted flakes, and your tony the tiger, too!

-new honeycomb consumer

Patricia Heaton 

This bitch slap goes out to patricia heaton and her character on "Everybody loves Raymond." I think that her character is depsisable, and that she should be killed off of the show. Each week, her character, Deborah, belittles and demeans Raymond in front of his children, his borther, his parents, and even complete strangers. The bottom line is that he supports the family----she doesn't even work! Fuck you, Deborah, and the broom you rode in on!! You're my boy, Raymond!


Potty Pooper 

Send this one out to the mother of all mother f'ers.....you know who you are....Mister or Misses wont wipe the seat off of a toliet in a public bathroom. Frick you and your mother....did she not teach you anything....I should make you lick up after yourself. But lick it slowly...get the foam at the side of the mouth....then kiss your mother for the humilation you have brought her.


Freak on a Leash 

Look people....if there is an accident on the road, there is no need to rubber neck to see what happened. Why...do you like to see little babies with no heads in the middle of the roads...or a no legged dog that flew out the window of a 87 station wagon doing 75 mph....just keep on fucking driving...keep the same speed...cause its people like me that stare really hard at those accidents and not pay any attention...and tell the whole situation to my friend who is on the other end of my cell phone.

-One-Eyed Mae Da Brown from Kentucky.

Sunday, February 22, 2004

Yankees Suck! 

Bitch slap everyone who is one the Yankees!!! The only reason why your team is any good is that Steinbrenner bought an All-star team. The Yankees are, and will always be the worst team ever....GO BRAVES!!!!

-Braves fan

Bitch Slap! 

This bitch slap goes out to ALL the shitty drivers from the Roanoke, VA region. You all make driving around Roanoke (especially the airport and Valley View vicinity) a living hell. Learn to use a turn signal! A stop sign means STOP! And don't miss those famously misspelled "YEILD" signs in the Wal-mart parking lot.
Yours truly,

-The disgruntled Florida driver in the blue Honda.

Thursday, February 19, 2004

To: The Shithead on my left 

A man named Starbucks, sits to my left. I call him that because he always brings a caraff of coffee with him to work. He smokes dollar store cigarettes, which explains his foul breath. He thinks he knows everything, but he can't even bathe himself properly. He tells the customers calling in that he is an "electrical engineer," yet he answers phones for a phone company. Hello?!? Are you trying to brag about answering phones like you are a somebody. I worked as a waiter before this job, you fucking prick. You think you are a somebody because of the job you got fired from. YOU GOT FIRED! Doesn't that tell you that you did something wrong. And, if I hear him yell, standby one more time, I think I am going to shove my phone in his fucking mouth. At least that way, he would make a funny noise when he tried to speak.

-the guy to your right

From the Creator 

This bitch slap goes out to my dog, Molly. The little bastard had something in her mouth and made me chase her. When I finally caught her, I fished a used tampon out of her mouth. My wife is pregnant, so the tampon was not hers. One of her friends left her flow rag in my bathroom trash, and my dog decided to eat it. What's worse is that my dog's breath smelled like the period. I though I was going to puke. My hands were coverred with someone elses caviar. Nastiest shit I have ever seen. I washed my hands for about 20 minutes, then soaked them in Alcohol. Then I soaked myself in alcohol (rum) in an attempt to forget what happened.

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